nee meedha prema thannukosthundhi!
but baby I'm so bloody confused and so freaking scared :(
I don't know what my future holds for me. I'm scared to get to you coz I feel that I cannot assure a happy future for us :(
I wanted to travel with you, I wanted to take pictures with you, I wanted to mother our baby.. all these, such simple things a woman desires seem like will-not-be-fulfilled wishes to me now.
I so badly want to be with you!
but I don't want to commit to you again coz I don't hold promise.. I don't know..
One day I'm fine, the next day my legs ache like they will die off any moment with such striking damning pain!
What to do?!
I'm loving what I'm doing now.. I know I'm talking to him nicely.. and he is being so sweet to me..
I ask: "Dear Conscience, Can I flirt with him? Just a little?"
Conscience says: "No, don't. you hold no hope so you should not raise any hopes."
I ask: "Dear Conscience, but I love him so much!" "I want him, I need him"
Conscience asks: "Why? you have treated him so bad all this while, why? why now?"
I reply: "I'm scared. I'm scared of my condition. I'm scared for our future. I want him to hate me so it'll be easy for him to move on... .but I don't want him to move on. I want him to stay.. I want him to stick with me. sit with me through sickness which I foresee happening a lot :(" "I want to live my life with him"
Conscience asks: "How do you want to live it?"
I reply: "hmm.. ~blush~ I can't say all that to you.. I want to do all that to him.. It's gonna be a secret between us.. only for him!" :)
Conscience is curious: "Tell me tell me plz tell me"
So I said: "Ok, this is how I'm gonna live my life with him...
Before I tell you how I'm gonna live my life with him, let me tell you how I already live my life with him now..
Yes, he is in UK and I'm in India.. but yes, we live together :)
Everyday in the morning as soon as I wake up and prop my body on my elbow to get up from the bed; he appears from nowhere.. slids his hand under my waist, glues his lips to mine and slowly guides my body back to bed. Hugs me for a minute, kisses me on my eyes and forehead, wishes me good morning and smiles at me lovingly. I smile affectionately and shyly, but I don't open my mouth to say good morning coz it'd make his good morning - a dirty smell morning :P
so I get off the bed, quickly brush and then peck on his cheek and lips :)
When time to sleep, change into night clothes, relax a bit, get into bed and sometimes we sleep off talking talking.. sometimes a tiny kiss and a light stroke lead to interesting things..
Sometimes we take turns in protecting each other while sleeping like I have my arms and legs around him and he sleeps like my baby and sometimes vice versa. He has his leg around me, one hand under me hugging me in a circle and the other hand on my head, patting me to sleep..
This is how I live my life with him now..
How will I live with him when we are together?
I don't know yet..
but I know we'll be happy, we'll explore, we'll have fun, we'll travel, we'll play sports we'll be a team, we'll dance, we'll sing, we'll have so many happy times, we'll love each other so much for the 1st few years and then we'll plan for a baby.. I'll be with him forever and ever by his side, following him everywhere he goes, and making us a home where he takes us..
I want him by my side while our baby is growing inside me..
I want him by my side holding my hand tight and that it's alright.. when our baby enters the world
I want him with me to help raise our baby..
I'll try my best so the baby and it's cries don't disturb him :) I'm sure he'll hardly sleep what with the new nanhi si jaan to take care of now along with this badi si jaan. I'll take care of them both, but when I'm tired; too tired and sleepy to even respond to the baby's cries, he will help me get up and feed the baby.. The baby is on my lap with my bosom replenishing him thru it's tiny mouth and I'm resting on my husband's chest with my senses relaxing.. I know he'll take care of us like that.. that well.. that great!
During our initial stages, when we start it off, I'm not jumping on him or scratching him to make wild love to me. It'll all be very slow, very very shy.. I'll even describe for you my wedding day and the phase after that.. but maybe some other time.. a li'l too sleepy now :)"
Conscience says: "Wow! I'm glad I'll be around to enjoy and experience this love"
I smile shyly.
I love him.
but baby I'm so bloody confused and so freaking scared :(
I don't know what my future holds for me. I'm scared to get to you coz I feel that I cannot assure a happy future for us :(
I wanted to travel with you, I wanted to take pictures with you, I wanted to mother our baby.. all these, such simple things a woman desires seem like will-not-be-fulfilled wishes to me now.
I so badly want to be with you!
but I don't want to commit to you again coz I don't hold promise.. I don't know..
One day I'm fine, the next day my legs ache like they will die off any moment with such striking damning pain!
What to do?!
I'm loving what I'm doing now.. I know I'm talking to him nicely.. and he is being so sweet to me..
I ask: "Dear Conscience, Can I flirt with him? Just a little?"
Conscience says: "No, don't. you hold no hope so you should not raise any hopes."
I ask: "Dear Conscience, but I love him so much!" "I want him, I need him"
Conscience asks: "Why? you have treated him so bad all this while, why? why now?"
I reply: "I'm scared. I'm scared of my condition. I'm scared for our future. I want him to hate me so it'll be easy for him to move on... .but I don't want him to move on. I want him to stay.. I want him to stick with me. sit with me through sickness which I foresee happening a lot :(" "I want to live my life with him"
Conscience asks: "How do you want to live it?"
I reply: "hmm.. ~blush~ I can't say all that to you.. I want to do all that to him.. It's gonna be a secret between us.. only for him!" :)
Conscience is curious: "Tell me tell me plz tell me"
So I said: "Ok, this is how I'm gonna live my life with him...
Before I tell you how I'm gonna live my life with him, let me tell you how I already live my life with him now..
Yes, he is in UK and I'm in India.. but yes, we live together :)
Everyday in the morning as soon as I wake up and prop my body on my elbow to get up from the bed; he appears from nowhere.. slids his hand under my waist, glues his lips to mine and slowly guides my body back to bed. Hugs me for a minute, kisses me on my eyes and forehead, wishes me good morning and smiles at me lovingly. I smile affectionately and shyly, but I don't open my mouth to say good morning coz it'd make his good morning - a dirty smell morning :P
so I get off the bed, quickly brush and then peck on his cheek and lips :)
When time to sleep, change into night clothes, relax a bit, get into bed and sometimes we sleep off talking talking.. sometimes a tiny kiss and a light stroke lead to interesting things..
Sometimes we take turns in protecting each other while sleeping like I have my arms and legs around him and he sleeps like my baby and sometimes vice versa. He has his leg around me, one hand under me hugging me in a circle and the other hand on my head, patting me to sleep..
This is how I live my life with him now..
How will I live with him when we are together?
I don't know yet..
I want him by my side while our baby is growing inside me..
I want him by my side holding my hand tight and that it's alright.. when our baby enters the world
I want him with me to help raise our baby..
I'll try my best so the baby and it's cries don't disturb him :) I'm sure he'll hardly sleep what with the new nanhi si jaan to take care of now along with this badi si jaan. I'll take care of them both, but when I'm tired; too tired and sleepy to even respond to the baby's cries, he will help me get up and feed the baby.. The baby is on my lap with my bosom replenishing him thru it's tiny mouth and I'm resting on my husband's chest with my senses relaxing.. I know he'll take care of us like that.. that well.. that great!
During our initial stages, when we start it off, I'm not jumping on him or scratching him to make wild love to me. It'll all be very slow, very very shy.. I'll even describe for you my wedding day and the phase after that.. but maybe some other time.. a li'l too sleepy now :)"
Conscience says: "Wow! I'm glad I'll be around to enjoy and experience this love"
I smile shyly.
I love him.
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